Shocking things men don’t know about women they share a blanket with

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Men are so clueless about their wives it hurts. Favourite colour? Bra size? Shoe? Date of birth? Anniversary? Drink? Pads or tampons? No idea! They know nothing about their wives, including dirty secrets that could kill them. But because man was not created to know, find out, smell, or get a hint of something, he would remain in the dark all his life.

Women hide money. Literally, yes. Every woman has a secret bank account that her husband doesn’t know about. As you give money towards school fees, projects, electricity and water bills, not everything goes to the intended cause. Even these chamas. She could tell you about one, but believe it or not, she’s in 7 other little little ones whose money you’ll never know. This gives a woman a certain sense of financial security because she is taught by her mothers to always have her own money in case things fall apart.

Women also need security, just like they need air to breathe. Every other time, every day, they need to be reminded how beautiful they are and how much they are loved. Random dinners out of town, chocolates and flowers make them feel loved and appreciated. Doing those little acts of love, appreciation, sexting all day and stuffing chocolate bars under your pillow rekindles old love and brings back the little girl in you.

And oh yes! We love winning arguments just for the sake of winning. Women can’t argue with you about anything — like why you have to unbutton your shirt before you take it off and why you should evenly squeeze toothpaste from its end. Mostly it’s just for fun. Let her win any arguments if you want to be sure before she hits you with evidence or decides to sulk the day in the bedroom. You know what that means.

I know this will shock some of you, but do you know that a woman can fake an orgasm to massage her man’s ego? If she’s into you that much and you never got her on cloud nine in the last two episodes, she’d fake it the third time to make you feel good. So never go head high out there thinking about the screams she made about Valentines. It’s all a game, baby – for your own good.

If she’s not in the mood for sex, don’t force her. Women are naturally emotional beings and it takes a whole lot of stuff; Sexts, gifts, safety and psychological security to get pleasure from sex. Her sex drive may be up there, but here she is thinking of children, Chama, her mother… And while we’re on the subject, stop jumping on her like a billy goat in heat! foreplay hello

Also, your wife fantasizing about other attractive men she knows or has met. She even does it when you two make out. Some wives have sex toys that they use when they are alone, while others take matters into their own hands. She wishes she would use the sex toys when she’s with you, but you guys are fucking Africans! Not that you don’t please her sexually, maybe yes, maybe not. But “self-help” relaxes her mind in ways she’s only known.

And that may cut deep, but if you two aren’t having enough sex and she hasn’t complained and is always happy and bubbly, dude, she’s happily cheating. You have an assistant. Case closed. Women love sex, don’t lie to yourself that three minutes once a week is enough for her. For a healthy woman, good sex can never be enough!

And oh… memory. Women can remember something you did or said to her in 1867! The arguments, disagreements and fights from day one. Interestingly, she rarely mentions the flowers and chocolates you bought her. But that is life.

This is important now. If during an argument she tells you to do what you want, brother, don’t do it. Not! She thinks she’s doing it at her own risk. And if she’s mad at you, don’t force her to talk to you. let them stew. But don’t crawl to her feet. Money works well!

Finally, when your wife is unusually quiet, there’s a storm in her head. Be very concerned, especially if you did something really gross that hurt her feelings and she stayed quiet. A silent woman is a dangerous person. It could just explode in the next minute. Women like to talk, scream and yell. When she’s silent, when she’s supposed to be loud, Chunga!

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