CLANCY OVERELL | editor | CONTACT
Betoota Heights’ father, Kevvy Blackrock (56, copywriter), today cleared one of the most relevant hurdles to Australia’s standard of living.
After a fortnight in power, the Labor Party has already demonstrated why Scott Morrison’s extremely competent coalition government was a much better option.
Energy prices are expected to rise by as much as 15 per cent in some parts of Australia as the wintry POLAR GYRO combines with a war in Ukraine.
The Albanian government has declared a “perfect storm” of gas shortages and price restrictions that will hit consumers as Labor makes life more expensive from day one.
Energy Secretary Chris Bowen has not confirmed how Labor will seek to cut prices and improve supply, but has dismissed suggestions that a trigger – forcing exporters to hold on to gas for domestic consumption – would provide immediate relief.
Opposition leader Peter Dutton MP has said that Chris Bowen looks like “a rabbit in the headlights and he has no idea which way to go” – after taking over the reins of government from the extremely talented Liberal Angus Taylor MP – a man who did it Life has made us all better.
While some say these catastrophic energy shortages can’t really be Labour’s fault, after 9 years of ever-changing coalition governments the fact remains that the Australian way of life is far more expensive than it was before these Left Communists were elected late last month.
While Labor has yet to announce a plan to solve both these energy shortages and subsequent price hikes, and the embattled opposition has nothing but witty metaphors to offer, it seems this crisis is something Australians can only chuckle and bare themselves for now.
Some households in Australia have begun adopting various Depression-era frugality techniques to cope with the pressure from energy prices. Simple things like heating the house, leaving the oven door open for about ten minutes after cooking dinner, or burning their recyclables in a steel container in the living room every morning.
While these lifehacks are a temporary fix, they don’t make up for the lack of government policy.
However, according to his children, Kevvy seems to have the answer.
“Oi,” says Kevvy as a crooked grin spreads across his face.
“Are you expecting a gas shortage?”
“I can fix this”
“Oi, pull my finger”
“This will solve the gas shortage ha ha ha”
His teenage children completely ignore him, but Kevvy knows they heard him.
“Oi,” he says, pointing at his daughter.
“What do you think about? hahaha”